A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices
At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?
Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?”
But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.
For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.
In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.
Flo's Review
I was lucky enough to snag this audiobook at a con. I love audiobooks, and I especially love audiobooks read by the author. That was all I needed. I didn't actually read to see what it would be about first before jumping in, so I was actually expecting it to be an autobiography about Aziz. Whoops.
But Modern Romance was delightful. Aziz partnered with Eric Klinenberg to study dating in the modern era and share their findings. Not surprisingly, dating has been impacted largely by the rise of technology, and especially smart phones. See?! Now I understood the cover picture and you do too!
This book was great because it talked about a lot of things that I knew to be true, but never really considered as a direct factor of how dating today looks. For example, Aziz talked a lot about how the internet has opened up the whole world as a possibility. It's a good thing, because we know have sooo many people to choose from for a potential mate. But is it a good thing that we have sooo many people to choose from? We are looking for a soulmate, a perfect match, now because we can. We don't need to get married to start our adult lives. More and more people are experiencing "emerging adulthood," living on their own, building their careers, and trying lot of new things. All this is so different from past generations, where the pool of potential mates was often just your town or neighborhood, and getting married was a means to get out of your parents house. Therefore, a lot of young people weren't looking for the "perfect match." They would find a good one and the love would grow from there.
Aziz and Eric traveled to a few different cities around the world to research their dating scenes: Tokyo, Buenos Aires, and Wichita (Kansas) to name a few. I loved these sections. It was fascinating to me to hear how the dating scenes varied in the different cultures.
The audiobook was fantastic. Aziz kept cracking on the listeners about being too lazy to read the book and choosing to listen to it instead. He also had fun doing different voices for the people he interviewed. He mentioned in the beginning that the book had several graphs. I ended up grabbing a copy of the book from the library to look at while I read, and I was impressed with how well Aziz explained all the graphs in the book to the listeners. I definitely did not think that listening to the book took away from the experience. In fact, I might even recommend listening to it over reading it, because the funny side comments translate better (I think) when you hear Aziz say them as an aside than when you read them in footnotes.
But whether you read it or listen to it, if you want a thorough but fun examination of dating culture in the world today, I'd recommend you pick up Modern Romance.
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